Sunday, 23 October 2016

The day you killed your daughter

the day you killed your daughter!

Aspirations are those little parasites that feed on your brain, making you lose your sanity slowly. They grow your insecurities towards failures, challenges and mistakes. I grew up as a self-surviving, self-driven person. With each single day, grew my distances from people, primarily my family and friends. I felt never been understood or encouraged. I always felt a void inside me, craving for that little care I missed in my life. I wanted to be emotionally sheltered and protected. I wanted a sense of value, for my thoughts, a meaning to my plans and an acceptance of my dreams. I was a kid then and realised that was my reality.

As time and years passed on, the void grew into independence, the cravings into self sustenance. I grew into a rebel, doing what I liked and following what I wished. I started to defy authority, I became a threat.

Disobedience is an interesting quality. In our culture, if you violate the autocratic male chauvinism, you are incarnated as a 'witch'. People suspect you being voodooed, just because you dont fall in line with the customary beliefs of such a blinded society. Everyone starts to despise you. You are called a social misfit, and treated as a scum.

'Society', the word in itself is in a dilemma. What does it mean in today,s times?! Its about a congregation of like-minded, sick people, who you can never appease no matter what. These people breed hatred, they breed lust and greed, in the name of religion, stature; differences are created, to kill, to torture and manipulate individuals. Societies are often judgemental. They lurk you as soon as you decide to take a reasonable stand. If you choose to threaten their core existence, they decide to make you extinct by a connundrum of mishaps.

In these tricky times, when these congregations of cheapsters attack you, its your family that should come to your rescue. For families, in history, have been thought to stay strong in times of need.

Families are smaller institutions in society, that expose you to the public opinion locally. They ridicule you as much as a society would to give you a first hand experience of irrationality. Families are small poisonous insects that suck your blood, make you weak when time comes and drain even the last bit of life from your body. Families are paradoxical in the current context. Very rare are those individuals whose families are reasonable and understanding. Very unique are their fates, who are supported by the people who love them.

I was never lucky that way. My family turned out to be like the former. They ensured I lost my sanity and soul. They siphoned all the life out of me like a parasite killing the host,s body slowly. I was always a needy kid, someone who wanted to be told, to be loved and accepted. I was always pushed aside by the ones I trusted.

There then arrived a day when my family opened up about their hypocrisy. The mother abandoned her only girl child in a whip of a second. The father never accepted her dreams, or goals as his pride. The brother asked her to stop living and inflict pain. The aunt tried every way to manipulate and somewhere on the surface of this earth, a heart broke into countless pieces. The pieces that can never be assembled, the pieces that dont want to assemble anymore!

"It was today my mother and father, you killed your daughter!"......


Wednesday, 28 September 2016

Mud houses

Mud Houses

the houses
in my paradise
are rusty, muddy,
broken and hurt..

our houses have seen
years of turmoil
they are bloodied,
exploited by time..

i reminisce my hometown,
when i see the glimpses
of merry houses on hills,
and hustling markets around..

i remember our naivety
our poverty and pain..

i feel the mothers'
wounded hearts,
shrouded dead, graves
and erroded lives..

in all this,
i recall the smell
of my soil,
its marks my identity,
my soul
and my ultimate refuge!


Sunday, 4 September 2016

It takes..

it takes..

it takes a lonely heart,
to romance loss,
to envy failure,
to want exclusion,
to hope solitude,
to despise acceptance
and periodic gestures of love!

it takes a broken heart,
to memorize past,
to surpass stereotype,
to challenge the normal,
to look beyond the regular,
to stay cynical!

it takes a brave heart,
to survive,
despite every day,
every circumstance,
weighing you down!
it takes a miracle,
to live through nights,
of reclusion and pain.
reminiscing the dead,
the gone and the mysterious!

to me, it takes a few words,
to express,
and expire the same time,
with the same intensity,
the feelings of regret!


Saturday, 27 August 2016



it is difficult to resonate,
with the teachings of our mentors!
its tough to understand
how calmly they freed us,
they struggled,
they fought,
they lost many battles..

in their pursuit of self determination,
in their cause for peace,
in their reasons for freedom,
liberating our dreams!

its difficult to compete,
with the values, they professed..
its impossible to reflect,
the vision they diffused!

in today,s challenging times,
when life is tougher and
wars being fought!
we often tend to forget,
what we were taught!

We should aspire,
infuse and
their passion, mission and
to reflect on humanity,
with humanity......
to love,
to make eternal peace...


Wednesday, 24 August 2016


my brain wants to explode,
shredding away the worries,
into pieces of insignificance..
every intoxicating failure,
every cruel challenge,
these colliding, ruthless,
the moments of confusion
disappointments and
it wants to break open,
from these cluttering,
harrowing symbols,
of responsibilities,
accountability and ambition..
it wants to explode and collapse,
and feel the rhythm,
of the real freedom of soul..
it wants to give up for once,
because at times fighting,
heroic battles, within you,
can drain you out! 
it wants an assurance,
that giving up is ok,
giving in necessary,
when stakes are high! 
it wants to be told,
that being at loss is natural,
and losing a battle is easier
than losing your life....

Saturday, 25 June 2016

I date back

I date back

I date back hundreds of years,
when people who spoke
their minds
were ridiculed..
and prosecuted..

I date back a time,
when renaissance built cultures
transforming them,
beyond the scope
of the then allowed limits..

I date back to the time,
when pioneers, sculptors,
artists and writers,
revolutionized history,
tradition and life..

I date back to that history,
to the time, to the years,
when great minds were free,
active, open and visionary..

I date back to 'that' era,
because my mind breaks open,
all the current stringent shackles
of modern times..
It resonates with freedom,
evolution and change!

I am much older in my thoughts,
But very open in my vision!
I am outdated in my outlook,
But innovative in my mission.
I am philosophical in my emotion,
But clear in my intention!

I profess growth,
I support transformation,
Of mind and soul..
I am a patron of adding,
dimensions, options,
opportunities to expand..
my mind and plan......

Do you?!


Friday, 20 May 2016

I aint a Sage

I aint a Sage

I was a Sage
had a holy soul
an honest
self reflecting
humble life..

i was simple,
with fewer 
with less hopes
and least positivity.

I was free,
seeking expansion,

I aint a Sage no more,
your norms,
challenged me,
endangered me
destroyed me,
my identity 
I am no more,
a good, kind,
hearted fool,
who would,
entertain your puzzles!


Friday, 29 April 2016



Will I ever write my fairy-tale,
Or walk through the castle,
Wearing my tiara,
a ball-gown and glass slippers.
Holding your hand,
Feeling your support,
knowing your name 
and game!

Its a puzzle,
love dies,
memories remain!
Its a mystery,
we are unable to solve.
Its a fault,
we wont blame.
Its a failure,
We live through it yet again!


You mentioned,
I won’t have a fairy-tale,
I know, I ain’t no Princess,
no fairy, anymore.
I never was 
or won’t be ever! 

I wanted my share 
of stories,
good, happy ones!
I wanted my share,
of peace!
Now, i want,
my share of 
solitude and
not be your mannequin,
a clown to please!

I will remain a Romantic!
I romance loss not love,
I will remain a loser,
who loves misery!
I will remain a powerless 
severed maid,
who knows her place.
I will remain a distant 
Who remembers your name.
I will remain a writer,
who writes,
and expresses
with compassion.

But I will remain a Romantic,
and write my fairy-tale,
a real, story,
with real life,
of a fairy in distress! 


Wednesday, 27 April 2016



Eroded away from the family,
and the rock-solid mother,
broken to smaller pieces,
ground and detached…..
making ripples on the river!

grey, brown 
or are they black?
living independent,
of their source.
making a newer sink,
with every applied force.

They travel around,
See new places,
Discover unknown lands.
They whisper to the skies,
in their darker nights,
astonishment or loss!

I like pebbles,
They mould as per friction,
or know how to adjust!
I love pebbles,
because they believe,
in their strength of togetherness.

Unlike me, 
who is away,
and getting depleted
with every experience! 


Monday, 25 April 2016



I dreamt of the noises,
the sounds, back home..
I heard my mother walking,
around the house,
My Dad talking on his phone.

It was a beautiful dream,
Almost felt real.
This hallucination of home,
family and peace;
The mighty acceptance of oneness.
I smiled while dreaming
and woke up sooner,
Utter distraught...

Couldnt the dream last longer,
Or this reality fade!

I am homebound!
I am love bound!
I am memory bound!

I am bound to my mother,s prayers
And my father,s faith!


Saturday, 16 April 2016



If I could incarnate as Jesus,
I would relieve the world of its suffering!
I would relieve the rich of gain,
and the poor of pain!

I wouldn't feel helpless seeing an old man,
travelling, walking, thinking alone..
It wouldn't break my heart,
seeing an old Lady,
doing groceries on her own!

If ever I were Jesus,
I would rejuvenate lives
and their souls!

I know time takes it course,
so does life,
so does age....
I know I cant fight time,
destiny or reason!
I know I cant question nature
or God!

But I still wish against all odds,
To be Jesus!
To heal the ones in pain!
To help the ones in grief,
To deal with loss of material and life,
To learn living all on your own!

I wish I could help,
Help this old man,
whose helplessness,
and courage broke my heart,
today, yet again!


Thursday, 31 March 2016

Are you damaged?

Are you damaged?

You know you are damaged
When your last hopes
From God and life
Are relieving pain
And not wanting
For you realise,
With hurt and injury,
Pain is the real emotion
Painlessness a mirage!

You know you are damaged,
When you are filled up with remorse,
With each little incident
With every little story!

You know you are damaged,
To believe in anything
Trust anyone again or ever
or ever again!

You know you are damaged,

You know you are damaged,
When you are a captive
Of this sadness,
Emotional insecurity
And imbalance...

I am damaged,
Are you too?!


As we walk past

As we walk past

As we walk past, 
this aisle of commitment,
the stage set for timely union,
the audience opposing, 
appeasing it again..
We look beyond differences,
ego and vices.
We ignore habits,
behaviour and words.
We leave behind pain,
loneliness and space.
We move ahead with joy,
togetherness and gain.

But in all this mirage,
we forget…
Your being here is not my reality,
My being left behind is the truth..


Thursday, 24 March 2016


Khuda khud mei hai, mujhme hai, sabme hai aey ahmak,
Usse kho dena kabhi mumkin nahi!


Arsh ya zameen pe sirf hai nahi khuda,
Khuda qaiyinaat ki har tasveer mai hai!


Khuda tera, mera nahi aey dost,
Hum sab khuda k hai!


Khuda ik noor hai, in chiragon k liye,
Khuda se wabastagi ek hunar hi sahi!


Arsh ko Khuda ka ghar na samajh,
Khuda hamare dil mein hai,
Wo hukumat mei, wo aqeedat mei,
Wo hamare har manzil mei hai!
Wo raasta, wo caravan, wo ibaadat,
har mushkil mei hai.

Bola iss nacheez ne Khuda ki shirkat ka jab,
Matlab jaan le aey dost, wo deen ki daulat main hai!
Tauheed se hote hain hum Khuda aur Rasool(SAW) se aashina,
Magar, niyaat se milta hai hamari nasil ko har hausla,
Tasveerein, mujaseme ki mei nahi ibaadat karun,
Khuda ki bakshi taufeeq ne banayi hain har cheez yuhi!
Quran kitaab nahi, Khuda ka farmaan hai,
Khuda dil mein tere aur mere hai,
Kyunki hum sab musalmaan hai!
Meri hasrat galat nahi, teri niyat galat nahi,
Khuda hamare jazbe mei, ilam mai, taaqat mai hai..
Khuda ko tu Arsh pe bitha kar khud se dur na kar,
Khud aankhein bandh kar, apne dil mei mehsoos kar!
Khuda hamari sans mei, khuda hamari ruh mei hai!


Monday, 14 March 2016

I wish

I wish

I wish I could tell you,
what it meant to be lonely.

I wish I could tell you,
what it meant to struggle.

I wish I could tell you,
how each day was passing.

I wish I could tell you,
how each wailing night felt.

I wish I could tell you,
How faithless I have become.

I wish I could tell you,
the miseries of my mind.

I wish I could tell you,
the craving of my soul.

I wish I could tell you,
how hopeless was my hope.

I wish I could tell you,
my grievances and games.

I wish I could tell you,
all stories I recall.

I wish I could tell you,
the promises you have broken.

I wish I could tell you,
how darkness felt.

I wish I could tell you,
the light was a mirage.

I wish I could tell you,
the time was a number.

I wish I could tell you,
I wish I could show you.
I wish I could reveal,

every wound, every scar!

I wish you knew,
I wish you could understand,
I wish you could imagine,
I wish you could save me,
I wish you could revive,
my tired heart,
that has stopped its beat!


Tuesday, 9 February 2016



udta hun mei,
arsh ki aur,

badalon se guzarta,

sitaara ban kar..
udta hun mei,
shamas ki aur,

uski har kiran se,

mohabbat ban kar..
udta hun mei,
jaanat ki aur,

Ishq-e-maula se,

aqeedat ban kar..
udta hun main,
Tere Saaye ki aur,

Tere Qoam, teri ummat se,

Darr kar..sahem kar..
Udta hun mei...

Musafir ban kar!




Izteraab, ikhtilaaf, 
duniya sunaati hai,
isa berabti ka kissa!

Humnava, dilnashien,
farishte dhoonthe hai,
inn ashaqun ki wajah! 

Tujhe di thi mene,
Allah ki jagah!

Naseeb apna,
rehnumai teri,
Azeez tha tu,
Iss zindagi ki tarah!

Hum chal base,
saath chooth gaye,
Raha baaki jo,
Hai Janaaza-e-wafaa!!! 


Saturday, 6 February 2016

My Weak Moment

My Weak Moment

My weak moment is..
that moment of reality..
When the order becomes random,
when the people i count on,
become strangers..
when my thoughts become clearer,
crystal and plain..
when my pain is deep,
narrowing my veins..
when my heart wants to skip beats,
and when my mind acts insane..

its my natural tendency,
to scream and cry,
its my soul begging for mercy..
its my mouth, that dries again..
its the mirror telling me,
all that i believed was a lie,
all that i have known was hoax,
all that i have wanted was a game,
all that i have cherished was a name!

its my moment of helplessness,
its my weak moment,
its started again!!