Saddened Anger

i fear myself, 
my mind and thoughts,
i fear my anger, 
my impatience......

i trust you, i told you,
i agree but,
i would believe you always,
i did not say...

i respect you until..
the end of time...
i adore your sanity
not vanity..

i wish i could control my anger,
i hoped to have not been slayed,
i craved to have been understood,
i expected to be considered visible
and loud..
and mindful...
of truth, logic and quality....

i feel wretched for you,
for me..for us....
u hurt me today, i resent it,
this sense of regret will subside,
this despaired feeling will stay...
preying on my good old mind,
eating upon my flesh,
i hate to admit this but..
you have angered me over myself...

i felt tricked, abused and abashed,
not for the learning but unlearning the learnt,
i felt stupid for having waited so long...
i am angry, impatient and saddened.......

Tanzila