I live a lie

I live a lie 
each passing day
this glitter, glamour
show and fame.

I live a lie 
every moment in time 
in truth i seek
in stories i find

i live a lie 
in harrowing acts
by self, through people
a daily test

i live lies
many big fat ones
pretending compassion
evading peace

I am you
each one of us
living each day

lying to our conscience……..

My Spartan

My Spartan

Teary-eyed I express,

I write this my dear Spartan,

I have witnessed your strength,

I have seen your power 

and full glory.

Today warned me,

of a slow regression,

It echoed mysteries,

of the unknown future.

I always saw you,

 as my warrior,

My Emperor,

greatness personified.

You gifted me this life, 

you made me a fighter,

you taught me to respect

 and value.

Your single moment 

of loss and grief,

Has shuddered my soul 

today, this day.

I fear the future, 

I fear the times,

I fear this helplessness 

Hopelessness of mine,

I fear God’s will, 

I fear my ill fate,

I fear uncertainty, 

I fear pain

I fear my loneliness.

I fear my defeat

by luck and time.

Stay with me,

In person and mind,

Stay with me in my heart,

Stay with me in my soul,

Stay in my existence.

Stay, you are meant to be there,

Here, with me, always.

Never betray me, 

I cannot taste betrayal,

yet again.

Tanzila

I know what it feels like....

I know what it feels like when one is alone, sick and orphaned!!
I know what it feels like when we start to blame others' for someone else's hard luck,
I know what it feels like when misunderstandings only stay because we want them to,
I know what it feels like to be silent, to get silence and to live with silence each day,
I know what it feels like when you cannot depart from a person whose abandoned you,
I know what it feels like when that person returns to you again,
I know what it feels like when you never know the shattered hearts' are irreparable..
I know what it feels like when you know the shattered hearts' are irreparable,
I know it feels how important moments are,
But we often fail to look at the bigger picture........!!!

Noise in the Shadows

Noise in the Shadows

Silence of existence,

encounter of time,

spirit of soul,

confusion of mind.

Everything is a shadow,

its vagueness pronounced,

procured by emotions,

moments and mind.

Screaming shadows,

creeping out,

for a cause,

to breed hatred.

Their absence,

was a misconception,

their näivety,

a lie.

They are within us,

they stay deep inside,

they grow as we age,

they widen as we weaken,

they propagate as we are,

vulnerable with time,

they make us victims,

evading our minds,

they make us greedy,

they make us unkind…

These shadows are noisy,

they shout beyond words,

beyond goodwill,

or maybe beyond self..!!

Tanzila

Darkness

Darkness

the quiet darkness,
its prelude to peace,
the final answer,
questions to please,
merciless gestures,
of life and race,
secret emotions,
party and taste..
unwanted needs,
cure and sight,
hunger for love,
waiting to rest..

the final moment,
of merging in,
with calm n
silent whispers,
of creatures unworldly,
dissolved and secret..
is the final option,
is the only reason,
we stay here in fancy,
i return to simplicity,
as i arrived,
i return to darkness.......!!!!

Tanzila

My Last Embrace

My Last Embrace

And I left again, 
This time,
Unlike others, 
When this heart was easy,
And mind clear..

And I left,
To implore, to explore,
And create,
New beginnings,
newer thoughts
And meanings..

And I left,
To merge self,
To a world, different
Than my own,
Challenging and challenged..

And before I left,
I held you in my embrace,
I embraced your body
And you, my soul,
I clinged onto you,
So hard,
For that moment,
I realised
my heart wanted to stay,
Holding you tight
And not letting go..

Was it my last embrace,
For now, it was,
But this dampening of my heart,
Speaks for my soul,
I wish to stay,
I wished to stay this time.......

Tanzila

Stories

Stories

I look at people,

I see stories,

reflections of differences,

of merry and pain..

I see the crowds,

in trams and subways,

see them walking,

on streets and lanes..

They are stories to me,

so many of them,

all living a part,

by similar means..

They share incidents,

some monotonous,

most unique,

with others’ stories..

You observe people,

in flesh and bones..

I feel stories,

with time and tales..

I see feelings,

i see happiness,

i see through eyes,

hearts and minds..

I see content,

desperation of being,

i see struggle,

for fate and love..

I see memories,

i see solitude..

I see each of you,

as a beautiful story..

As I am,

an unexplored story…!!!

Tanzila

My Journey to Nothingness

My Journey to Nothingness

This unwanted disappearance,

Of appearance,

Neglect of self, soul and time,

Emotionless emotions and fate,

Taking you for a ride.

Each day a struggle ends

And what continues is need

To struggle more, to go ahead,

In this race of madness,

For power and peace.

This is all I am left with,

A hollow cube inside my heart,

Space deprived of ‘requirement’,

Your sense of no want.

Every morning I raise, I rise,

With this emotional stress

An understanding of delusional love,

Even then, I extend my hand

To hold what is not mine..

I wake up to sadness

I sleep with despair,

So restless,

Incomplete I am,

with my journey.

A journey with no destination,

That leads to,

desolation and pain,

It leads me to

Nothingness..

Its my Journey to Nothingness..!!

Tanzila

Smirk

Smirk With ur each tear, I smirk.. it rolls off the edge of my eye.. its a tear of peace.. its my tear of joy,  to see you where, I aimed you to be.... In a place as unforgiving  as my grave.. with a time escaping  as the last clock of my life.. I smirk to glory and smile at nature.. for what goes returns,  with its beautiful forms, of helpless attire.. I wear a gown of deception this time, I stand there..next to you,  to mimic death.. as proficiently, as u imitated life to me...... I smirk my dear, I smirk... Won’t you catch me this time…? You can't... You lost me when I lost the hope... You lost me with that fake promise of re-union... You lost me for times to be!!  What remains is my smirk... and what stays is still my tear..!!  Tanzila

Lullabies

Lullabies

limited, alienated 

from the norms

and types,

from the ways and means,

of the breed and creed,

to simple complex images,

to songs of war, love and peace,

to tales of cluster, memory and being,

from purity of a mother’s heart..

are the lullabies, my mother’s songs,

her voice echoes in my deeper souls,

reminding me of her timeless love,

assuring, reassuring moments of faith,

within my mother’s giving heart,

is her compassion 

and mystery…

of this world and the next…

I try to know, understand,

why selfless is her love,

how much she could endure,

how often would she tell,

stories, songs and moments,

of her life and mine.

That love, transpired through her,

every word and expression…

My life is owned by you Mother,

my mind by your lullabies,

this heart loves you mother,

beyond this world’s greed..

My every bit of existence,

is a sacrifice i do..

to see you smiling forever,

to give you happiness always,

like your lullabies gave me peace,

like you gave me life.

Tanzila