Saddened Anger

i fear myself, 
my mind and thoughts,
i fear my anger, 
my impatience......

i trust you, i told you,
i agree but,
i would believe you always,
i did not say...

i respect you until..
the end of time...
i adore your sanity
not vanity..

i wish i could control my anger,
i hoped to have not been slayed,
i craved to have been understood,
i expected to be considered visible
and loud..
and mindful...
of truth, logic and quality....

i feel wretched for you,
for me..for us....
u hurt me today, i resent it,
this sense of regret will subside,
this despaired feeling will stay...
preying on my good old mind,
eating upon my flesh,
i hate to admit this but..
you have angered me over myself...

i felt tricked, abused and abashed,
not for the learning but unlearning the learnt,
i felt stupid for having waited so long...
i am angry, impatient and saddened.......

Tanzila

the paper cup story...

FOREVER

FOREVER

Is a false disposition,

An unwilling departure.

Low on momentum,

Least possible,

The term, this term ‘forever’…

It’s a myth,

Or hallucination,

A mind game to win,

Or take away,

It’s a tale of deceit,

A lie often told..

Forever is never ever,

Its limited,

Or limiting..

It ends, with the moment,

With people,

With time.

Fate restricts it,

Chance bullies it,

Time decides its limit,

Destiny the phase,

We the face.

Tanzila

The Cactus Plant

The Cactus Plant

When I think,

What it symbolizes,

I understand,

It’s too realistic,

like My existence..

Yes, a cactus plant,

Better than its flowering counter-parts..

Flowers show hope,

Who needs it, who wants it,

Flowers are deceptive,

Perceptive, Temporary..

They show an untimely progression

Of life to death..

They die soon, sooner than wanted,

expected...

I like cactus, its so magical

Original, real..

Its strong,

enduring,

I like it, for it re-inforces,

My eternal want...

Of Permanence....

Tanzila

The Mutiny of Silence

The Mutiny of Silence

in silence lies the outburst,
the passion to produce space,
with thoughts outpouring, damaged desires....
living life, lifelessness rebuked...

every insane unfolded story,
each basic question questioned...
the devil infecting the then optimist,
the angel betraying the last lost soul....

its a mutiny, 
against God's will...its a struggle,
against the devil..
its a choice you make within,
its your Silence....to muse at the world...!!!

Tales of unknown, silent special,
Beautiful histories, uncovered minds...
Patience is the new weapon....
to grow beyond control.....

Expire, inspire, imbibe, involve..
the Change to Silence is your new call..!!!

An Outcry of Impatience

Here I am,

Again, back from yet another,

Crisis.

I thought it was utopia,

It turned out to be unlike it.

I was confused to go ahead,

I waited for time to decide,

It happened with a blink.

Utopia, as they would say it,

I call it a slaughter house,

I chose it,

Over another,

Much finer confinement,

Now I am stuck with it,

My mind barely intact, 

my patience given way.

My skin was peeled,

It was painful,

It was slow, 

That was the only solace,

I cried to let go,

It clinged to pull back,

Then, the butchered soul,

Did flee across the tides..

I miss the house now,

It was better than this untrue paradise,

I recall this failure,

Yet again, the struggle,

Incomplete though,

Partly because I lost,

You won, and 

I Gave up……

Tanzila

Impulsion

Impulsion

These creepy clusters of a vicious laughter,

Merciless impulsion of my regular being,

This despaired emotion, intolerant gesture,

of lifeless existence, mourning regime....

The resurrected soul with utter confusion,

Unguarded by destiny, discarded by nature,

Defeated by memory of irrelevance,

To a lighter and subtle sunshine.

All vices unearthed, the virtues buried,

The graves of characters, fallen apart,

Imposing decree, dismissal of rest,

Infliction, addiction, surviving this test.

Brutal murders of souls and sight,

Raping one’s intellectual best,

Extension of the hands of rebel,

To freedom, relief from worldly creation

It’s a lie, a false disposition,

I live a dream, this impulsive plan,

This untrue happiness, questioned status,

Is my definition of a ‘revolution’………..

Scenes, stories ripped off humour,

Tenderness deprived of compassion and feel,

Revelation, revolution what it may be,

End of the world……..of the Great Gatsby…!!

Tanzila