My Precious

My Precious

I need strength,
to forgive
I need courage,
to accept the pain..
I need to involve
self in sacrifice
a compromise,
many lies.

I need immense maturity
to move on
I need that extra bit of poise
to stand up again..
I need to speak,
scream, express...
my desires, my worries
and this suffering..its process..
I need to reach out
for help, for a hand
for a shoulder,
Strong enough.

I need to believe,
in my decisions,
of giving up,
going ahead,
without a sense of guilt,
I carry in my mind..
I need to aspire
to become a happier version
of myself,
A gentler soul..

I need to learn
to let go of something
that never belonged to me!
I need to free myself
of this clinging hold,
I deserve a hand,
that walks with me,
I deserve someone who
respects me..
And can value that respect!!

And so do you...!!
Make your diligent choice girl,
You mean a lot
Your happiness is paramount,
Your soul is beautiful,
You are My Precious!!

Tanzila

The day you killed your daughter

the day you killed your daughter!

Aspirations are those little parasites that feed on your brain, making you lose your sanity slowly. They grow your insecurities towards failures, challenges and mistakes. I grew up as a self-surviving, self-driven person. With each single day, grew my distances from people, primarily my family and friends. I felt never been understood or encouraged. I always felt a void inside me, craving for that little care I missed in my life. I wanted to be emotionally sheltered and protected. I wanted a sense of value, for my thoughts, a meaning to my plans and an acceptance of my dreams. I was a kid then and realised that was my reality.

As time and years passed on, the void grew into independence, the cravings into self sustenance. I grew into a rebel, doing what I liked and following what I wished. I started to defy authority, I became a threat.

Disobedience is an interesting quality. In our culture, if you violate the autocratic male chauvinism, you are incarnated as a 'witch'. People suspect you being voodooed, just because you dont fall in line with the customary beliefs of such a blinded society. Everyone starts to despise you. You are called a social misfit, and treated as a scum.

'Society', the word in itself is in a dilemma. What does it mean in today,s times?! Its about a congregation of like-minded, sick people, who you can never appease no matter what. These people breed hatred, they breed lust and greed, in the name of religion, stature; differences are created, to kill, to torture and manipulate individuals. Societies are often judgemental. They lurk you as soon as you decide to take a reasonable stand. If you choose to threaten their core existence, they decide to make you extinct by a connundrum of mishaps.

In these tricky times, when these congregations of cheapsters attack you, its your family that should come to your rescue. For families, in history, have been thought to stay strong in times of need.

Families are smaller institutions in society, that expose you to the public opinion locally. They ridicule you as much as a society would to give you a first hand experience of irrationality. Families are small poisonous insects that suck your blood, make you weak when time comes and drain even the last bit of life from your body. Families are paradoxical in the current context. Very rare are those individuals whose families are reasonable and understanding. Very unique are their fates, who are supported by the people who love them.

I was never lucky that way. My family turned out to be like the former. They ensured I lost my sanity and soul. They siphoned all the life out of me like a parasite killing the host,s body slowly. I was always a needy kid, someone who wanted to be told, to be loved and accepted. I was always pushed aside by the ones I trusted.

There then arrived a day when my family opened up about their hypocrisy. The mother abandoned her only girl child in a whip of a second. The father never accepted her dreams, or goals as his pride. The brother asked her to stop living and inflict pain. The aunt tried every way to manipulate and somewhere on the surface of this earth, a heart broke into countless pieces. The pieces that can never be assembled, the pieces that dont want to assemble anymore!

"It was today my mother and father, you killed your daughter!"......

Tanzila

Mud houses

Mud Houses

the houses
in my paradise
are rusty, muddy,
broken and hurt..

our houses have seen
years of turmoil
they are bloodied,
exploited by time..

i reminisce my hometown,
when i see the glimpses
of merry houses on hills,
and hustling markets around..

i remember our naivety
humility,
our poverty and pain..

i feel the mothers'
wounded hearts,
shrouded dead, graves
and erroded lives..

in all this,
i recall the smell
of my soil,
its marks my identity,
my soul
and my ultimate refuge!

Tanzila

It takes..

it takes..

it takes a lonely heart,
to romance loss,
to envy failure,
to want exclusion,
to hope solitude,
to despise acceptance
and periodic gestures of love!

it takes a broken heart,
to memorize past,
to surpass stereotype,
to challenge the normal,
to look beyond the regular,
to stay cynical!

it takes a brave heart,
to survive,
despite every day,
every circumstance,
weighing you down!
it takes a miracle,
to live through nights,
of reclusion and pain.
reminiscing the dead,
the gone and the mysterious!

to me, it takes a few words,
to express,
and expire the same time,
with the same intensity,
the feelings of regret!

Tanzila

Reflection

Reflection

it is difficult to resonate,
with the teachings of our mentors!
its tough to understand
how calmly they freed us,
they struggled,
they fought,
they lost many battles..

in their pursuit of self determination,
in their cause for peace,
in their reasons for freedom,
liberating our dreams!

its difficult to compete,
with the values, they professed..
its impossible to reflect,
the vision they diffused!

in today,s challenging times,
when life is tougher and
wars being fought!
we often tend to forget,
what we were taught!

We should aspire,
inspire,
infuse and
resonate...
their passion, mission and
vision..
to reflect on humanity,
with humanity......
to love,
to make eternal peace...

Tanzila

Explosion

Explosion

my brain wants to explode,
shredding away the worries,
into pieces of insignificance..
every intoxicating failure,
every cruel challenge,
these colliding, ruthless,
instincts,
the moments of confusion
disappointments and
drama..
it wants to break open,
from these cluttering,
harrowing symbols,
of responsibilities,
accountability and ambition..

it wants to explode and collapse,
and feel the rhythm,
of the real freedom of soul..
it wants to give up for once,
because at times fighting,
heroic battles, within you,
can drain you out! 

it wants an assurance,
that giving up is ok,
giving in necessary,
when stakes are high! 

it wants to be told,
that being at loss is natural,
and losing a battle is easier
than losing your life....

Tanzila

I date back

I date back

I date back hundreds of years,
when people who spoke
their minds
were ridiculed..
and prosecuted..

I date back a time,
when renaissance built cultures
transforming them,
beyond the scope
of the then allowed limits..

I date back to the time,
when pioneers, sculptors,
artists and writers,
revolutionized history,
tradition and life..

I date back to that history,
to the time, to the years,
precisely,
when great minds were free,
active, open and visionary..

I date back to 'that' era,
because my mind breaks open,
all the current stringent shackles
of modern times..
It resonates with freedom,
evolution and change!

I am much older in my thoughts,
But very open in my vision!
I am outdated in my outlook,
But innovative in my mission.
I am philosophical in my emotion,
But clear in my intention!

I profess growth,
I support transformation,
Of mind and soul..
I am a patron of adding,
dimensions, options,
opportunities to expand..
my mind and plan......

Do you?!

Tanzila